Chores and children

Learning responsibilities starts at home, with simple everyday household chores. Assigning chores to a child is an important step in teaching responsibilities and consequences for actions, good and bad.

Chores give children a sense of pride in a job well done, teach respect for their belongings, and those of others. When you live in a home everyone needs to participate in the upkeep. Chores are a good lesson in work ethics.

Start them out when they are young and at the stage where they imitate your every move. If you are folding laundry, give them a few towels in a small basket and let them "fold" the towels while you fold the rest of the laundry. This has the added benefit of allowing you the time to do the job while spending time with your child. By the time they are old enough to be assigned chores, it will be old hat as they've been imitating and "helping" you all along.

Have fun with your chores. If you act as if they are a drudgery your children will pick up on that attitude and carry it with them. Making things fun makes the time go by fast. Turn on the radio and put a little kick into your cleaning.

While you get paid for doing your job in the work place, no one pays you to do your laundry, make your bed, or wash your dishes. Paying you child to participate in household duties will work against the lesson of responsibility that you are striving for.

Asking your child to help around the house tells them that you trust them, and trust their ability to get the job assigned done. Saying "I need some help cleaning the bathroom, could you take out the trash for me, please? That would be a big help" will go over better than "take out the bathroom garbage, please." This is especially true with teenagers, who are just looking for a reason to rebel and buck the system. By asking, rather than telling, you are instilling a sence of self-worth, on top of the teaching of responsibilities and getting a job done.

Talk to your child and find out which chores they are interested in doing. When assigning tasks take their lists into consideration, but don't rely solely on them. They need to have jobs assigned to them that they don't necessarily want to do, but are quite capable of doing. When they leave your home, they will be responsible for all chores, good and bad.

When the job is done, regardless on how it lives up to your standards, if the effort was put into it, be sure to thank them. Praise is encouraging, and will promote compliance. Be as specific as you can in the thanks and praise so they know which actions you are thanking/praising them for. An example would be "Meghan you did a terrific job dusting the living room, I really appreciate the time and attention to details. Thank you."

Consistency is the key in almost any aspect of life. Having a regular routine when it comes to chores and household duties makes it easier for everyone to remember what needs to be done and when. Charts also cut down on the need for prodding and reminders. Compile a list or chart and place it in a prominent place in your home. Above the message center, on the fridge, or on the inside of the cleaning supply cabinet are good places.

If each person in the house has a different color, it makes reading at a glance easy. If the child can't yet read, you can draw pictures or cut them out of magazines, to help them remember which tasks are theirs.

When assigning chores be specific, give all the details and show them how you expect them to do the job. If they don't do it exactly as you would, but give it their best shot, and do the best of their ability leave it be. If you go behind them and redo what they've done it will be sending the message to them that they are not good enough, not worthy of the job and that you don't have any confidence in them.

Let your child know that you are there for them if they forget how to do something, or if a task suddenly becomes too much for them. Tell them you don't mind showing them again, or lending a helping hand from time to time.

Let your child know that you have chores to do as well, and that there are consequences of you not doing your chores. For example you could tell them how if you don't do the grocery shopping, one of your chores, there would be no food to feed the family. Let them see you do your chores, and commiserate with them when neither of you feel like doing the chores, and then motivate one another to do them.

Be up front about consequences for chores not done. If you tell them that they cannot use the computer, television, or video games until they chores are finished stick with it. Always follow through with consequences, remember consistency is key.

Creating and implementing a chore structure in your home takes time, patience, and stamina in the beginning. Soon the responsibilities will be instilled in you child, and carry over to other aspects of their lives. Remember that they are kids, and allow for mistakes, forgetfulness, and even rebellion from time to time.

Remember that they are children, and need time for studies and play. Don't overwhelm them or you will be setting them, and yourself, up for disheartenment and failure.

The lessons of responsibilities, sence of team play, and pride in work learned at home through the completion of chores will follow them throughout life and be beneficial in more ways than one.